DEAR ABBY: My family doesn’t know I have cancer in my kidneys, and I don’t want to tell them. I feel that when the time comes, it comes, but my boyfriend keeps pushing me to tell them. I don’t want anybody to be worried about me or my health.

I’ve been the black sheep of the family since I was a child. Nobody was there for me except my grandmother, but she’s no longer living. I just feel my family doesn’t need to know anything. Am I being selfish about what I’m going through, wanting to keep my illness to myself and, when the time comes, let my boyfriend tell them what happened? — BLACK SHEEP IN NEW YORK

DEAR BLACK SHEEP: I’m sorry about your diagnosis. You are not being selfish. If your family hasn’t been there for you in the past, I understand your reluctance to court further rejection. While it might be nice to give them an opportunity to atone for their past behavior, there are no guarantees they will. Your health status is YOUR business and no one else’s, so don’t allow your boyfriend (as well-meaning as he may be) to push you into anything you don’t want at this point.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.